My StoryHow I Beat My Smoking DependenceInitially it was the little things about smoking that bothered me. That smokey" feeling in my lungs and throat when I would wake up the morning after going out. My friends and I used to joke about it saying things like we felt like the bowl of an ashtray. Then we'd be out the next night smoking again. After a while, I started feeling disgusting on the inside. Like I was shriveling up. Still, this wasn't enough to stop me from smoking. Sometimes I would see other people who were smoking - older men and women whose clothes permanently reeked of smoke....people whose skin was a stained yellowish color....people whose teeth matched the color of their stained fingertips. I would watch these people and think: "that will never be me. I will never look like that." The truth of the matter is, is that I DID look like that - just on the inside. However, this too was not enough to get me to quit. My boyfriend is a non-smoker. Naturally he was pressuring me to stop smoking. One day I got fed up with his nagging so I decided to quit - for him. I made it 48 hours before I gave up and had a cigarette. I disappointed him, but more importantly I disappointed myself. For the first time in my life, I had faced a challenge and failed. I realized that if I was going to be successful at this, I had to want to do it for me and me alone. It was at this point that I realized that it was going to take a lot of work to get over this. It had taken me a long time to realize that I was ADDICTED to nicotine. So, I devised a plan. I selected a date 2 weeks away. I told all my friends what to expect and I asked for their support and help. I emptied my car of all devises that would allow me to light up while driving - matches, lighter...I even threw out the lighter that comes with the car. I switched to a lighter brand of cigarettes. For 2 weeks I prepared myself mentally and "physically" for the day (which I now know to be called a "quit date") When the day came for me not smoke - I refused to smoke. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I literally fought with myself everyday because the temptations were so great but I DID NOT SMOKE. I would be damned if I was going to let myself be beaten by my addiction to dried leaves. I still deal with smoking issues. Everywhere I go there are people who smoke - and this will always be the situation. As long as I can believe in myself and my ability to over-come obstacles, I can beat this addiction. Temptations are everywhere, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to live my life the way I choose. When you smoke, you are a prisoner to your physical desire for nicotine. You can't live how YOU would want to if you are always giving into something that controls you. M.Y.
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